Changing my words, changed my life.

I remember when I was a young girl, shouting at my mom and picking on my sister and seeing how hurtful my words could be. That was a heavy burden on my heart.

Words are powerful.

They have the potential to hurt and destroy but also to enhance and create.

Since embracing this truth a few years ago, I’ve become more mindful of the words I use. That is, the words I speak and the words I think.

Here are four ways I’ve changed my words and as a result changed my life.

1. Change “I’ll try” for “I can or I will”

Looking back to when I felt stuck in life, I was always trying.

Trying to get a better body.

Trying to get my savings built up.

Trying to get my life back together.

Trying to get a better relationship.

It struck me that, in all the areas of my life I was trying to change, I wasn’t having much success.

At this place in life, I then looked at an area of I felt fulfilled in: my social life/drinking with friends.

Partying/drinking was the perfect escape I needed. Drinking and hanging out with friends masked my anxiety, making me forget about my struggles temporarily, and gave me the self-confidence I lacked when sober. Interestingly, when friends asked me if I would be out that weekend, I never replied, “I’ll try and make it.”

It was always, “I’ll be there!”.

In recognizing this pattern, I made a new rule for myself: to change “I’ll try” with “I can or “I will.” I started seeing improvements in my life. By saying “I can, and I will,” I somehow felt stronger and in control of my destiny. My confidence grew too. Thinking in terms of “I can/I will” forced me to be more decisive. For example, if a friend asked to workout together on a Friday after school, I would practice saying something like “I will see you there” or “I will let you know by Thursday”. If Thursday rolled around and another commitment was more of a priority, I could communicate this clearly without feeling bad for cancelling last minute. Switching from “try” to “can/will” caused me to ask, “What do I want to be committed to?”

The word “try” does still have a place in my vocabulary. I can call a restaurant on a Friday afternoon to try to get a reservation.

My rule is simple: I’ll never try to do something that’s in my full control.

It’s possible I could call the restaurant and they’re fully booked. The outcome is not in my control.

For anything that is in my control—exercising, writing, waking up early, working hard, staying focused, exercising self discipline — I now use “I can” or “I will.”

2. Ask better questions.

Why am I so stuck?...

Because you’re a loser.

Because you need better self discipline.

Because life is hard.

Because the cards I was dealt.

Ever do some serious soul-searching and get fed up with your own lousy answers?

A better question came to me: What if I’m asking myself the wrong question?

Get in your mind to ask yourself better questions: What can I do today to move forward a little?

For the next few months, this became my question of choice. And each day, I moved forward just a little more, focusing on progress over perfection and solutions rather than the problem.

As Tony Robbins says,“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

3. Saying “I get to” instead of “I have to.”

Anytime you wish to feel grateful, change your ‘I have to’ statements into ‘I get to’.

We really do take so many things for granted. So, so, many things.

It’s always important for me to honor how I feel, meaning if I am feeling tired or unmotivated that’s okay. Often, though, changing my “have to” statements to “I get to” is the switch I need to change my perspective and my mood.

Closing thoughts:

Try approving of yourself and see what happens. I’ve been amazed by what’s happened. Since approving of myself, I’ve relied less on approval from others, which has been liberating, and I’ve given myself full permission to live how I want to live, since approving of myself also means approving of my wants and choices.

Our words create our world.

No matter what age we are or where we are on our journey, I believe, it’s never too late to change our words—and change our world.

- S